Irony behind Life
by AmGranger
Summary: Post DH Harry thinking over his life and comes across the similarities between his life and Snape’s life.To him Love was a tragedy,not a fairy tail ending.


After all these years, living a life that he always dreamed of, Harry still needed a break every now and then. His life was perfect but it was not without regrets or longings. He often went off for some quiet alone time; this was his sanctuary from everything – the place was none oher than the jungles where Ron once left Harry and Hermione in the middle of their horcrux hunt. Harry could sit here for hours leaning against one of the trees and think over his life. His thoughts were always more or less same and revolved around his best friend – no not Ron but his other best friend Hermione. He thought of her as his soulmate. He wished he'd learnt patience and the art of thinking things through before taking action; from Hermione when they were still in Hogwarts.

Harry often smiled with dripping sarcasm at his so called perfect life; it was ironic maybe that he shared similarities with none other than Professor Snape. He thought how similar his life was to his most hated professor but …

_I made my life different; I didn't turn in to an old bitter man like him. I learnt to make the best out of life even if I didn't get what I wanted. I am not going to die a misunderstood, old and bitter man…I am surrounded by people I love and who love me. _

How Harry came up with the idea that he shared similar life as Snape; it wasn't really him but he started thinking once Ron and Hermione had their first born…it was Hagrid (yes he was alive and still is …) – he compared Ron and Hermione's relationship with that of his own parents. He did commented that Harry went for a red head just like his dad but still it was his comment about Hermione and Ron that got him thinking…

"_if Ron and Hermione's relationship is like my parents, where do I stand. My mother hated my father from what little I know, the always fought but she fell for him…true – Ron and Hermione fought a lot but I doubt they ever hated each other…except for first year. If they were like my parents then I am the third person who is in love with the girl but not with the girl; I am SNAPE." _The thought came as a shock, when it first entered his mind, he could hardly breath and it was Hermione who noticed his white face and immediately called everyone's attention to Harry's heath while holding her new born in her lap. Since then Harry's thirst for some alone time to think became quite frequent but he never let it mess up neither his time with Ginny nor his kids. They always came first, no matter what regrets he held in his heart, he learnt to deal with them and move on.

The thing was that Harry never realized that after the war, somewhere down the road, he fell hard for his best friend Hermione, he always loved her but never let it cross the "in love" line. He acted upon his heart's desire and decided to tell Hermione about it, just a few days after he was engaged to Ginny. Well it was more of an opportunity that knocked on his door and he took it – by telling Hermione about his feelings.

He was kind of forced in to that engagement, Mrs. Weasley was really sick and on the verge of death according to healers back then, it was her wish to see her only daughter married, since it was way too early for a marriage as Harry was only 21 and Ginny 20 – Mr. Weasley along with Bill and Charlie suggested not too discreetly for them to get engaged atleast for her sake. Harry was double minded about the whole thing as he realized his true feelings for his best friend Hermione; who at that time was dating his other best friend Ron.

Ron was the only Weasley against the idea of Harry and Ginny jumping in to something that serious so soon. Harry as usual was always ready to sacrifice himself in order to protect others or sacrifice his own happiness for others – once again came out the bigger man and granted Mrs. Weasley's wish. Mrs. Weasley was ecstatic. She was still sick but her mood a lot lighter than it had been for days.

"_Ok so this step of mine served its purpose, Mrs. Weasley is all happy, if she gets healthy and back to her normal self – I'll somehow try and break this engagement if not then the other option is breaking up after her death…OH GOD Harry that was totally out of line…when did she become a burden…Mum Dad…I need you right now, more than ever…" _

Harry's thoughts were 24/7 along these lines. Harry was getting impatient day by day and was acting all weird around Hermione; his actions back then gave off a negative impression and hurt Hermione. He avoided making eye contact with her, he avoid being in her presence alone without company, he would often snap at her if she ever complained to him about Ron or her work and all. Whenever Hermione was around, Harry wanted to snog her senseless and do things with her that he had not as yet thought of doing with Ginny; he had no idea that he had this much passion in him, he wanted to keep Hermione in a room where only he could be with her. He had no idea where all these psychotic feelings were coming from but they were really not going away. He never loved anyone so much nor thought was possible to love someone so much that you didn't want to share them with anyone, or you would kill someone only if it brought a smile on your love's face…he was scared of these thoughts and wanted to clear his head and doing so he was avoiding Hermione and acting all moody with her.

Hermione was truly hurt by his actions but then she took it upon herself to associate his behavior with a theory of her own – she thought that Harry jumped in to a huge commitment too soon and probably that was the cause behind his behavior of late. He was still in Auror training; he still relied on her and Ron for most of the things even though Ginny was his girl friend. According to Hermione's theory; Harry was worried about entering a mature phase of life when he was still all about enjoying life and spending it to the fullest – making up for his teen years…

She took it upon herself to talk to him about it, but she wasn't really sure how to get him alone for the talk, she managed to corner him at his office one day and locked the doors. The conversation started something along these lines…

"_I know Harry that I am the last person you want to see or talk to right now; but your mood swings have been really hurting me. I know I should actually be used to being your outlet of irritation since its been like that for now ten years but seriously this is a bit too much. We are not teenagers anymore, I don't like being treated like a young girl on whom you can just go ahead and take out your frustration, wherever or whenever. And You are not a boy, learn to admit or speak out your feelings, share them instead of acting all snappy about them. I know how are you feeling Harry? I know this whole situation is very confusing for you but…"_

_Harry had been listening to her all this time without looking at her, instead he was just clenching and unclenching his knuckles on the table infront of him and looking at the blank wall to his right. _

"_BUT WHAT HERMIONE…What is it that you know about me or my feelings, even I can't decipher the feelings I have, HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW…I AM NOT A BLOODY BOOK THAT YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT AT THE BACK OF YOUR HAND…YOU KNOW NOTHING OK SO STOP PRETENDING TO KNOW…JUST LEAVE ME ALONE…" Harry shouted and throughout all this he looked at her only once…Hermione by that time had tears in her eyes, she felt broken, she was finding it hard to breath but managed to ask anyway,_

"_What have I done to deserve this Harry, I am sorry if I've done something to make you hate me this much. I thought you were upset about getting engaged at such a young age or probably having some kind of post engagement blues or something, I had NO idea that I was the cause of your mood. I think I deserve to know at least what is it that has caused all thi…." By then she was sniffing and couldn't finish her sentence…Harry was facing the wall and leaning against it, with his head on his arms. Hermione stood there silently crying waiting for him to say something but nothing came, she decided to leave, her world shattered then for her best friend hated her and she was not aware of the reason. _

"_Yes you are the cause of my moody attitude Hermione…" Hermione who had reached for the door knob, froze at his words, her knuckles turned white from the hard grip she had, she turned the knob but it was locked, she took out her wand to unlock it but right then Harry reached for her hand and pulled her around. For the first time in days, Harry was actually looking at her – made an eye contact and Hermione didn't see hatred in them but passion…she kept quite and was breathing heavily as if trying to control herself from yelling at him…_

"_You Hermione are the reason behind my pain…" Hermione opened her mouth to question his rude remark but felt his index finger on her lips, right then Harry came closer to her, his nose was literally touching Hermione's…"a pain that I can't get rid of until or unless you agree to relieve me of it…" once again Hermione protested, she wanted to offer her support whatever way she can to get him out of his misery._

"_Hermione just listen to me ok…" he didn't wait for an answer instead trapped her between the door and himself with both his arms around her and against the door. "I am going to be very forward here, I don't hate you…far from it…"_

_Hermione had never seen Harry like this; she was feeling a bit uneasy at the close proximity between herself and him. _

"_I love you, I love you so much that its hurting me, its not the kind of love that a friend has for their best friend or brother for a sister, I am in LOVE with you Hermione. Everytime I look at you, I want to hold you and hide you from rest of the world so I don't have to share you, I avoid being alone with you because God know how much I want to snog you senseless, like I wanna do right now, I wanna snog you, worship you…I want…" but this time instead of continuing with words, he chose to show her and kissed her. Hermione was too shocked with his confession that she didn't react to his kiss immediately … but once she got back to her senses…she slapped him and pushed him away._

_That was the day a line was drawn between Harry and Hermione. She had forgiven him but the awkwardness was still there. She loved Ron and chose him. Hermione decided to take this little episode with her to the grave. Harry begged for her forgiveness and was granted another chance. _

Harry never got over his love for Hermione but he decided to move on, he learnt the hard way that life is not easy and you don't get what you want all the time so make the best of what you already have which was Ginny.

Back to the Irony of Harry's life in his thoughts …

_Looking back at all the events that took place in last decade or two, I now see a pattern – history does repeat itself. _

_;Ron; a pure blood wizard just like my dad, fell for a muggle born Hermione – just like my mother; Ron and Hermione were best of friends but always fought; while my parents were not really best of friends but fighting part – quite similar. _

_Now my position in this equation is that of a Snape – he was the half blood who was in love with my mum but could never have her because of my dad and here I am a half blood 'prince' maybe, I am rich enough to be one, well that's not the point, I am Snape in this era, but unlike Snape, I moved on, I made the best of what I already had. It was due to my dumb mistakes that I was not with Hermione, had I realized my true feelings when we were still in school, I doubt very much that things would've turned out this way. Hermione did mention once how she always craved for compliments for me but gave up, she had a crush on me back fifth year but gave up when I started following around every other beautiful chick that half the male population was after._

_Anyway so here is my life – its not what I wanted but its not something I regret. I regret my actions and my slow working of brains but I don't regret having a family – a lovely wife who loves me more than anything and three kids. Hermione, Ron and I still are best of friends, we make it a point to spend sometime alone, the three of us and sometimes its either Ron and me or Hermione and me. Hermione and I have become quite comfortable in each other's presence by now but still I feel Hermione sometimes just get a bit awkward when our respective spouses are around. My Hermione is still same, she had always been a person of honor and she was the bigger person – I was happy that she was happy. I truly and genuinely smiled whenever I saw her smile…In my heart she'll always be my Hermione, if not in this life maybe in next life we'll be together. _

_I feel sorry for Snape, more than anything. I understand his pain and his attitude. I would've been the same, but I had true friends around me to keep me grounded. Even after getting married to Ginny and having two kids – I often thought about fleeting away especially when Hermione was giving birth to her first born, I wanted it to be my child, but I was there with her in hospital, I didn't run away from anything. Back then I realized had I run away back then, I would've been a miserable person like him. I realized how similar his life was to mine but our choices were different. Oh yes! He hated my dad for taking away mum from him, here I am – I don't really hate Ron but yeah I do hate him sometimes for taking Hermione away from me. It was I who was her friend first, who was nice to her – just like Snape was to my mother. _

_Well I have my day dreams – what if I had broken up with Ginny in time, what if I had done it after Mrs. Weasley passed away which was before the two of us got married. Well what if I told Hermione in our Hogwarts time that I loved her, and asked her out. Life now is full of 'what if' thoughts – all in my mind. I often miss Mrs. Weasley even though I sometimes blamed her for forcing a situation upon me that I had no desire to participate in but she had a right to request for such a thing. After Fred's death she was just not the same old person that she always had been and her health deteriorated drastically. Now that I look at my kids, I would fight God to grant me life long enough to see my kids married off and happy. They are my life. I have a loving wife who is not Hermione but she is the best I could ask for. _

Harry finally got up from under the tree and decided to go back to his family. He looked fondly at his surroundings, Hermione and he spent days here alone in a tent …

_She was always there…What if I told her then that I was in love with her…_

A/N Just an independent one shot. I'll be updating Unshed tears soon tomorrow with two chapters. I am sorry for the delay in that story. They are all done though but not on this system.


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